He didn’t know his long time girlfriend had breast implants.

Yeah, he also said “N*****”, “F***”, “W****” and a lot of other bad language.  But that’s something I’ve pretty much come to expect from Mel.  Something like that hitting the news is almost as common as another celebri-wannabe having a sex tape.

But Mel, come on.    You didn’t know there was a little outside help there?  That God giveth but Dr. 90210 giveth a little more?  Didn’t the size give you a clue?  After all, look at this picture of her.  She seems to be packing a pretty substantial cleavage there, and given her waistline, it’s probably a little disproportionate.  Not that I’m complaining, but I wouldn’t assume she came from the Organic section of the produce aisle.

Okay, maybe I ought to cut the Road Warrior a little slack.  Well, except that he got to handle these things.  Many times.  They have a child together, so obviously he got busy with her.  And didn’t the texture, firmness, a little too well defined edges, the odd ripples give it away?  For God’s sake, Mel, have you been in L.A. so long that that you’ve joined Steve Martin in the inability to tell the difference?

And weren’t there little scars?  Oddly bisymetrical?  After all, those foreign bodies don’t just get there by osmosis.  Certainly you noticed them.  Unless she didn’t want the lights on.  Well, maybe I ought to give you a pass on that one.

Okay, so you’re a racist.  And you’re an anti-semite.  You make Archie Bunker look politically correct.  I can handle that.  But I can hardly believe it’s true, that the ladies man, the stud, ends up being just a stooge that can’t tell real ones from implants.  And that truly saddens me.